


incomplete (voices tell me i should carry on)

by lexa_lives_in_us



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Best Friends, Character Death, F/F, Grief/Mourning, I miss Molly, Incomplete Story, One Shot, Other, beauyasha (sorta mentioned), post molly's death, yasha is a wee jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 10:53:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20173054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexa_lives_in_us/pseuds/lexa_lives_in_us
Summary: Yasha's thoughts after Molly's death.orI found this in my drafts, i read it and it made me cry thinking about Molly.





	incomplete (voices tell me i should carry on)

**Author's Note:**

> I definitely do not have any excuse for this.  
I'm not in the greatest place, but MIND: this is not a complete story. It might feel like it's missing something and I decided I had to leave it this way... It's missing Molly, it's missing a piece, and it's alright.

  
Yasha hasn’t cried.

Not one single tear since they have been rescued, since they have looked at the group who had come to their aid, since they have noticed new friends and missing ones.

Since Beauregard has taken her aside to quietly murmur about Mollymauk’s death.

Yasha hasn’t cried.

She has nodded and swallowed a lump in her throat, but the tears have never come.

She doesn’t know why, and she thinks she’s probably a terrible person, a garbage person, for not crying when presented with the news of her best friend’s murder.

But the only thing she feels is a burning anger.

Pure, unbridled rage that she can’t seem to control, even more than usual.

Yasha is angry at Lorenzo, for taking a part of her soul away from her.

She’s angry at herself, for not having been able to protect her best friend.

She’s angry at Keg, and she is not quite sure why, but she knows that she just doesn’t like having the dwarf around, constantly grinning and bantering with Beau.

Yasha manages to be angry even at Mr. Clay, because how dare he?

How dare he come and join the group, sleeping on Molly’s place next to the fire, using Molly’s horse, replacing Molly’s spot?

Everyone loves him, and Yasha just can’t stand him.

Nott and Beau have tried to get Yasha to talk to both of their new friends, prompting conversations with the excuse that Caduceus likes flowers and Keg likes big weapons.

But Yasha can’t look at Keg and see something different than the girl that flirts with Beau, and she can’t look at Mr. Clay and see something different than a man who is quickly replacing her best friend in everyone’s lives.

She can’t understand why she is so angry, because objectively she knows, she truly does, that Keg and Caduceus Clay are really good people.

And yet.

  


Yasha kills Lorenzo at the first battle they have. Her sword dives right into his chest, splitting it open just like she knows he’s done with Molly’s.

She pushes and twists the sword down until her hands and arms are stained in the man’s blood, and she doesn’t realize she has released her wings until Beau and Caleb gently remind her to close them.

Yasha cleans her sword, then walks out the room without looking back.

  


They stay in Shady Creek Run to finish the job the Gentlemen has given them, and by the time they get on the road again, it’s been almost three weeks after they have been rescued.

Keg says her goodbyes from the gates of the city, decided on remaining in Shady Creek Run to try and make amends from her times with the Iron Shepherd by remaining in town.

She hugs Nott first, chuckling with her about something related to dancing abilities.

She holds Caleb briefly, and the wizard smiles softly and calls her friend.

Mr. Clay offers her some tea as a reminder of their partnership and that’s his goodbye.

Then Keg wraps her arms around Beau in an embrace that last way longer than Yasha seems necessary.

She watches as Keg whispers something in Beau’s ear and Beau blushes, and her anger resurfaces.

Yasha turns around, crossing her arms and refusing to acknowledge Keg’s departure toward the inside of the city with more than a curt nod and a tight lipped “Thank you”.

The Mighty Nein start their journey back to Zadash with heavy hearts, but somehow lighter shoulders.

Yasha looks at each and every one of her group members and breathes in the smell of freedom.

She knows that the Stormlord will claim her soon enough, but for now she decides to cherish every moment that she can spend with her family.

  


Beau, Caleb and Nott slow down almost imperceptibly when they reach a path between two hills.

It doesn’t take long for Yasha to figure out why, and from the look on Jester and Fjord’s faces, they must know it, too.

The group sets camp just a little less than a mile away from where Nott says they’ve buried him. Then they leave Caleb and Nott to guard the site and they walk their way toward the grave, guided by Beauregard.

The more they get closer, the paler Beau gets, and Yasha’s anger threatens to explode, because she sees it in Beau’s eyes how painful it is for the monk to go back there.

Yasha doesn’t think this is fair.

She watches the pain that Beau wears like an armour and doesn’t find it fair that she, too, had to lose another good thing in her life.

She doesn’t find it fair that she wasn’t there to see Beau and Molly become friends.

She doesn’t find it fair that the chance of a happy ending have been torn away from them all.

But Beau pushes forward, straightening her shoulders and lifting her chin, and Yasha and Jester step up at the same time, and they each grab one of Beau’s hands with their own.

Beau sobs quietly, but none of them says a thing.

It’s only when Beau squeezes her hand back that Yasha realizes she’s crying, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading until here.  
If you're still with me, well... I won't mince words. I'm out of a job because immigration is... Well. Really f*cked. I'm broke. My money is going into feeding my cat. I'm hungry.  
So if you wanna spare a couple bucks for a coffee, well... It's appreciated.
> 
> My ko-fi is here: https://www.ko-fi.com/lexalivesinus
> 
> Thank you for reading, and don't forget to love each other <3


End file.
